I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
