no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
