If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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