I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
