So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
