i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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