my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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