apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
