God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
