I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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