it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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