I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
