I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
