exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
