I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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