A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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