i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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