Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.

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(619): View more from California

No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.

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(206): View more from Washington

True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock

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(386): View more from Florida

This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now

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(240): View more from Maryland

just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.

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