you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
