You can't special order awesome
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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