I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
