dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You did what with his pubic hair?
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