i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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