just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
