Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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