You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
