You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
