just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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