He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
