"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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