I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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