Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
