I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
