I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
