you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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