i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
