fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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