I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
