he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
