Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
