i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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