My brain says no but my pants say off.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
