Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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