I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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