ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
