he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize