I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
