I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is the high leading the old right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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