You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
