I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
