I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
