He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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