Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize