I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
