I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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