it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
