so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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