I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
