Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
