I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize