I'm eating all of the evidence.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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