i want to swaddle you in tequila
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize