I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
