Hey man sorry I got all grabby
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
